FIDES

something is buzzing in my head, the chuckle is back in my throat and there is a sly curl to my lips

the mountains from my window are fog-laden which means i can barely see their outline. the white houses on the slope outstanding, backdropped by the dark mountain foliage around them.

you see, i am house sitting for the next three weeks and it feels so good to have a place of my own. i was naked nearly all day yesterday.

last night i tried writing about some etymological digging i did earlier in the day. it proved hard to synthesize and i was dissatisfied with the lack of clarity in my writing and because many of the questions which led me to my search still remain questions laced with frilled rootlets trailing the tilled earth beside them.

i can feel myself entering a new stage. emotions stirred from yesterday’s full buck moon and a dream of resolution i had last night as i slept are indicators of that. lots of feelings moving through and external life-changes alongside this shift.

all of my searching yesterday culminated in a vision session. a lot of my searching was around the primordial questions i have had since i was a child – what is God, is God one, how do i choose a life path, how do i line my life path up with God’s (if it is separate), where to start, how to be in the game (world) but not roped in the game …. etymologically i was led from faith (fides) to health (b heidh) to holy (kailo) to sin (es) to god (gheue- backwards and upside down last e) to ease (ye with a line over the e) to divine. the very interesting findings remain nestled around me, as the seaweed nest in Malibu curled around my waist last week when Iesha and i transformed into mermaids. the mind prods, the heart feels calmer, and i am generally more at ease than i was yesterday.

so, what was the visioning about, you ask. yes, yes,

a conversation with a dear friend, Kim, last week probably sparked the writing of this, and the seed germs for the revolution have been nuzzling the shell since last summer. here, they poke out their powerful heads:

Homesteader: Home + Stead , HOBO (homeward bound)

aligner of the heart’s desires, kindler of heaven’s fires, creator of natural spires

stead: to place, position or function properly. advantage, service, purpose. to be of advantage or serve to; benefit. from the root, sta (with a line over the a) – to stand; with derivatives meaning “place or thing that is standing. (All of the etymology of this course comes from the american heritage college dictionary 3rd ed.)

home: to the center or heart of something, deeply comfortable and relaxed, at ease, free of tension/stress, usu. after expending considerable effort. a place of dwelling or settlement. from root: tkei, to settle, dwell, be home

bound: tied. from root, bheue (the last e is backwards and upside down): to be, exist, grow.

over a month ago as I was doing some self-reiki and dreaming of life-possibilities, I had a vision. In Pasadena, California, where I am currently living, I have created a massage and reiki business called Lunagrow Wellness (the name came to me in a vision last summer) and this reiki session happened in the early stages of the creation of the business. i should also mention that it has been difficult for me to commit to things, really to stay in one place at all has been difficult for me. and it is no surprise to me that i am feeling the urge to move again, so the vision was also not a surprise, but the subject matter was. well, i probably wouldn’t have thought of it in its extreme awesomeness without opening myself to divine inspiration.

the vision was to create a business, instead of Lunagrow Wellness, called HOBO massage (i laugh even now, in light of its outlandishness and how much i love it). HOBO, yes, in the acronym sense of homeward bound (although not in the sense of following in the traditional vagrant wanderings). Homeward bound, because i feel i am on two journeys in my life (which are really mirrors of the same journey). one is the trip home, in my heart, home in myself and in relation to Self within and the other is my trip home on the planet with its inhabitants, home in relation to humanity, including facing the challenges before us, and everything that exists outside of “me.”

since i was young i’ve had trouble feeling at home here, and, in fact, there aren’t many places i feel at home (speaking of comfort and ease) in my external surroundings. there have been two places i feel a distinct sense of home due to the outward environment, at the Lazy Black Bear in Paoli, Indiana (where i took my permaculture course a few years ago and have some very special soul relationships~ there is a feeling in the air here which is quite magical) and at the Possibility Alliance in La Plata, Missouri (where the spirit and intention of the people there in conjunction with what they are doing with the land and in surrounding communities is closely fitting my heart’s vision). residing at both of these places for a time has changed my life, and i carry the connection with me for inspiration and comfort. it is a saving grace to know these places exist on the earth. their presence helps me continue my journey.

because of this feeling of lack of home in the cultures and in most human-created dwellings on the earth, i have gone inward much in my life. i feel like a nun without the cloister (and with the sex), an American householder, as they call people in India who have chosen a spiritual life but stay in the secular sphere. reiki has been a huge help for me in this, forging a strong connection with spirit and allowing me to clear myself to feel more at home in my body, in my own heart, and so allowing me to be present in my external surroundings.

so the Hobo journey is basically a merging of these two senses of home, and, here’s the fun part: I will go on a journey on my bike with both of these intentions 1. to seek home in the outward sense, a place where i can settle and create the stead (literally take a stand on earth in the way in which i feel a deep need via the creation of home – spanning all levels of economy (ecos, home), a truly radical, rooted, steading), because I have realized, in trying to live on the fringes of very established cultures: i want to create home from the foundation up. i want to live in a natural home, catching water and growing food, living close with animals and other people who are doing this too (which is why i am so attracted to the ecovillage model). i have no desire to buy a home in a city, transition the lawn, and create a life there. i want the whole kit and kaboodle (without the poodle!).

so i will be 1. seeking home, by traveling around on my bike visiting communities and places on the earth where this is a possibility.

while also 2. being home in my Self (as i pursue this deep seeded vision and am fueled by my alignment with my deepest desires, soul purpose) while offering the massage/reiki to people along the way, as a gift helping others who are also seeking home in their hearts and with the spirit within.

there are a few unclear things yet: will i cart around a massage table in the trailer behind my bike or build a different model that is lighter and more compact? how will i offer reiki/massage to people, ie. where will we do the sessions (privacy, temperature, music, etc)? shall i use patience, my black road bike (which i had some knee issues with on the last long distance ride i took with her) or invest in a recumbent bike? i want to bring a garden with me to have fresh herbs and other leafy crops to share and enjoy on my journey, how can this work? will i limit my search to the United States? will i plan where i am going and hold to the plan or allow for diversions?

writing about all of this now is exciting and, in all of this, i surrender these plans and ideas to great spirit and ask that clarity and conviction come if this is my path.

i want to live a life in alignment with spirit’s deepest calling in me, to manifest and live my Self in freedom, joy and love in this earth suit. here’s to it!