and, as a line from wendell berry goes,

practice resurrection.

—–

for the past year and a half i have been practicing energy healing. to me, this means running energy through my body, as if my body is a channel (think flute = body, breath = energy), into a plant, myself, other human, etc. this energy is Universal Energy, Healing/Divine Light, God’s Love; it has many names. it is abundant and we all can tap into this flow to promote healing, clear stagnation, receive messages from Source, and bring things back to life. i became interested in this after having a reiki session with a wonderful human in bloomington, indiana. before the reiki session i had experienced the energy moving powerfully through me a few times (with crystals, spontaneously, and through tapping and noise making with another’s help.) because of the wonder of the experience, i decided to take a class in reiki and this led to practicing with friends and family, plants and animals on my own.

before coming in contact with the energy in this way, i had experiences of a very loving and powerful presence in my childhood and adolescence. i grew up in a Christian home/community and was raised to commune privately and in public with a higher power. i practiced this often, most powerfully in solitude and in nature. sometimes i would feel the presence while reading my bible, praying, singing or running.

the transition from finding the higher power solely through my bible and the Christian tradition to knowing the higher power everywhere was a slow process. a dark night of the soul, really. part of it had to do with the death of my grandmother who i was living with at the time, part of it with studying religion in college and being awaked to rumi’s words, and many parts came from a disdain for empty speech that i encountered in the Christianity of my youth — however, the true driving force came from something unnameable and unknown within. something i wanted to follow, even if the path was scary and unclear.

because so much of my youth was spent indoctrinating my being through fundamentalist principles, the shift into what is often deemed new age spirituality (although i don’t consider myself a new ager…) has been … well now i can see it in a more humorous light … but at the time it was quite painful. i had a lot of mental, emotional, communal crises, which all boils down to the spiritual crisis: who am i deep down and what is my purpose here with all of the life?

if you’re asking similar questions, i honor and encourage you! don’t give up; follow your very own insatiable nose!

coming full circle, this evening i watched a movie that reminded me of my story. it was rainy here today in southern california (felt amazing)! i woke up at 5am this morning completely rested. i usually don’t have to leave on my moped for massage class until around 9, so when i woke up to the gentle rains tapping on the roof and the sound of wind in the palms outside 1) i knew that the plants outside were verrrry happy from the re-energized sky water and 2) i felt like i could lay there forever listening or go to the mountains. and, as i was recently inspired by a note of a new friend’s adventure from the day before, go to the mountains it was. what a beautiful day!

this evening i watched a movie. a movie called Resurrection. i really, really enjoyed it. i cried and laughed and cheered many times. it includes a woman who has a near death experience, lives, and has healing gifts which she uses to help her community. whatever interesting messages dealing with Christianity/the classic witch hunt, humans who can heal, where the healing energy is coming from etc, the heart of the matter comes through near the end when the protagonist is saying goodbye to her grandma:

i love you, grandma.

yes, that’s it,

if we could just love each other as much as we love him i ‘spect there wouldn’t be the bother in the world there is.

i ‘spect

the he is referring to Christ. i recommend this movie. the acting is phenomenal, the ending is hilarious, and the story is complex and enlightening.

——

as I am graduating from the 250 hr massage program on monday, I will be certified to practice massage (once I get my license) in California as a certified massage practitioner (therapist requires 500 hours, which i will work toward over time). i looked at this school back in 2010 when i had just moved to Bloomington and rethought it again in Dec ’11 when I was in Mexico with a 1-way ticket. my friend Michael, who was with me at the time, encouraged me, knowing i wanted to start practicing energy healing and knowing from experience that energy practices paired with massage bring in a wider range of clientele and really complement each other to form a nice offering. i gave myself two days to decide and i walked around the streets of San Cristobal de Las Casas thinking “I am either going to buy that motorcycle and travel down the coast or get a plane ticket.”

now this portion of my formal massage training is coming to an end and i am faced with all of the possibilities before me. open my own practice? work at a day-spa for a time? a mom and pop joint?

whatever i decide, i realize that the root is coming from the heart. i am calling myself out: now is the time. love! manifest your gifts in the healing of all. go with faith and love in your heart and try. my friend stan reminded me of this the other day. he said, “there are only two types of healing, wren. the kind where you use your heart and the kind where you don’t. the rest is just modalities.”

~may my form be a vessel of love~